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Top 10 Rules for Chick Flicks |
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| Written by Trent Daniel | ||||||
| Friday, 16 October 2009 | ||||||
 First off let me say that, before being accused of being sexist, there are many good and bad chick flicks, just as there are in any genre. However, like most genre, there many rules and requirements that the standard chick flick must follow.Though many more rules might apply, my Top 10 are as follows: 1. Matthew McConaughey/Dermott Mulroney Rule. If the chick flick is to be considered primarily a comedy, first consideration for the lead male role must be given to McConaughey; if the movie has a more dramatic edge, find Mulroney. If neither is available, find either A) any remotely handsome actor with a British accent or B) Ryan Reynolds. Primary examples: too numerous to mention. 2. Too Soon For Her to Be Happy Rule. At the start of the film, if a guy appears with the heroine who is too good looking and/or a perfect match, he’s toast. He will either cheat on her or, more likely, will die, suddenly and tragically, in order to set the story in motion. Prime examples: The Brave One, Fried Green Tomatoes. Side note: females very rarely die suddenly in these movies; most are instead required to battle a long illness and die rather slowly. Prime examples: Beaches; Steel Magnolias. 3. Woman Scorned Rule. If the heroine is scorned by her lover and/or husband, there must be at least one scene where she gets revenge and puts him through hell. If the scorner has some prized possession, such as a car, it must be totally destroyed. Prime examples: Waiting to Exhale; The First Wives Club. 4. Darcy Rule. Named for the Darcy character in Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice. There will be one character at the start that will seem like the Last Guy on Earth the heroine would want-until she sees his home. This home will be A) large, B) beautiful, C) charming, or most likely D) all of the above to the point that the home itself will cause the heroine to rethink everything about the guy. Prime (and recent) example: The Proposal. 5. Eccentric Older Woman Rule. At least one older woman in the movie will be borderline crazy and make at least one sexually suggestive remark, often about the heroine’s object of desire (most likely about his butt). However, when all seems lost, she will offer the heroine some form of sage advice that will help her save the day at the last minute. Prime examples: Runaway Bride; Any Movie with Jessica Tandy in it. 6. Margarita/Martini Rule. It is required that at least one scene features a group of female friends sitting at a bar drinking either margaritas or martinis. There will be at least one disparaging remark made about men in general and/or at least one friend will say “You can do better.” to the heroine. Prime examples: Happy Go Lucky; Sex and the City. 7. Music Rules A and B. Rule A: There will be at least one scene where the heroine and her closest friends and family will sing a classic Motown song aloud, often with them dancing around the heroine’s bedroom while holding hairbrushes as microphones. Rule B The end credits must include a ballad song by a top female performer, either by The Dixie Chicks, Sara McLaughlin or Alanis Morrisette. Prime examples: again, too numerous to mention. 8. Limited Job Opportunities Rule. For some reason, the profession of the heroine is always either A) Successful but Lonely Businesswoman; B) Successful but Lonely Book Publisher; C) Lonely Owner of a Quaint but Successful Used Book Store; or D) Hooker. Prime examples: Working Girl; Pretty Woman (of course) 9. Gay (or Minority) Friend Rule: Similar to the eccentric aunt rule, the heroine will have a best friend who is gay or of minority race (extra points for both) who will ineviteably be the sagest person in the film and help the heroine see the big picture of things. Prime example: Rupert Everett in My Best Friend’s Wedding. 10. Last Second Rule. All must appear lost and that the hero and heroine will go their separate ways. The characters will each have a final epiphany where he/she realizes “Wait a minute! I can’t believe I let him/her go!” The movie will then conclude either with a mad dash to their airport/train station or will move forward a few years later, where, in a very public place (such as a press conference or crowded office), the enlightened one will declare his/her love for the other, culminating in a kiss before a rapt audience. Cue the credits. Prime examples: Notting Hill; The Proposal (again). What are some other rules you think might apply?
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